Issues

Sometimes I feel like the most rotten person alive. I think I have so much of a vivid imagination that it effects the people around me. I am unjustly unfair to one person in particular, but no amount of praying or self searching can rectify my unwillingness to share in my happiness. I hold back for fear that this particular person will invade my life. Sadly, I cannot even mention it because I don't even know how. Sadly, I am probably overreacting, but this is a justifiable emotion I carry. Sadly, I cannot even be completely honest in this blog for fear that another would speak before I could. I try, try so hard to be fair, but in the end, I walk away feeling the same. Why can't I overcome this?

I feel the need to blog

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5

My fingers are just itching to type away at the keyboard! Even more than that, I am feeling the need to shout God's praises as I sit here typing. I am filled with so much love and awe for Him at this very moment that I have to share.

This may sound silly, but I have been reading The Bible for Dummies because I want to know about the history of the stories. Occasionally, ok, more than that, I am confused about the Old Testament, but to see the story unfold and to really focus on this history, is beyond words. The Bible, this GLORIOUS book, speaks to me so much. Every day that I sit down for reflection, no matter the page I turn to, His word relates to my needs and feelings at the time. Everyday I am humbled to know He knows me-so much more than I know myself. He reaches out to me even when I am not so sure myself. He is so deserving!

I thank Him daily for my family, my circumstances (for better and for worse because I know He has a plan for me, a plan that helps me become a better me), my job and my faith. I fall short every day, but He guides me back.

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Daniel is 8 months tomorrow, and I just can't believe it! He has recently learned to clap his hands (although sometimes it's with only one hand) and to play "peek-a-boo". He sits like a champ and loves to tear apart things, and can scoot like there's no tomorrow! He loves his loin and monkey and growls so fiercely at them! I see so much of Ryan in his temperment and anxiously await to see the little person he is so fastly becoming.

The Big 23

Yes, another year older-and quite a year too! I had a very nice birthday (aside from yardwork LOL) and got many birthday wishes. Thanks so much! I look forward to seeing how 23 is going to feel!

While I wait for Mob Wars to refresh

Well, it has been too long since I've updated (and my grams would definitely agree to that!) Rob and Charity and Soph have come and gone (sadly), Daniel has had another checkup and Ryan and I have been working our tails off!

Seeing my little family from Florida was wonderful. Meeting Charity was cool and seeing my niece for the first time was awesome! She is a cutie and so full of life. And always on the go and wanting to just do! Sadly, once they got back we got news that Charity (a Caples now!) will be deployed in August :( I'm not sure what will be in store for them, but my prayers are being lifted that way.

Mr. Daniel is growing like a weed! He is over 18 lbs. now and almost 28 inches long! He says "dada and gaga" and so much nonsense that all Ryan and I do is laugh. He has recently learned to walk all the way around his stationary toy and amuses himself for quite a while with that. He also enjoys watching Family Guy-a lot...

Work has been an adventure. Just when I think I have something down pat, something happens and I feel so dumb LOL. These kiddos are hard work! Here's hoping by October, I can do this! The girls in my fellowship are all really nice and we all get along well, so it'll be nice to be the "new people" together.

This past month has really tried on my patience and my faith, but I have pulled through with the help of God and my family. And although Ryan and I are still quite aways off from where we would like to be, we are working together to accomplish this. A true test for our marriage, lemme tell ya!

On a lighter note, I'll leave you with some pictures of this past month :)

Confessions

I confess...

I take lots of pictures because I'm afraid of forgetting the moments
It took me too long to find Jesus, but one moment to love Him
I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I wasn't a mother, then realize there isn't another life I would ever desire
I sometimes am not content with how I look, but rarely do anything about it
I love to read and can finish a book in one day if I'm allowed to
I do not like all of my family, but I do try to pray for them
I worry about not having another child
I love the early morning ritual of the 3 of us lounging in bed and reconnecting as a family
I love the sound of my child's laugh and the way he loves to look at me
I miss tennis-s.o. m.u.c.h.
I miss old friends
I sometimes feel that I don't pray the right way
I love dogs more when I don't live with them
I worry so much about Daniel's allergies
I wish Ryan would go to church with me
I am a pushover, even if it sounds like I'm not
I love to play house and see Ryan's clothes mingle with mine
I h.a.t.e. credit cards
I love sweets
I worry about my Grandma
I love my parents and my mom is my best friend
I wish Ryan would listen to me more
I love to drive on sunny days with a destination to no where
I'm obsessed with Target
I love the gestures of love more than the act
I love soft sheets and brand new socks
I have to have me time to reconnect with my everyone else time
I cannot cook as well as I would like to
I have only child syndrome even though I am not
I miss my brother so much
I worry about not having a good relationship with my sister-in-law
I am a Myspace addict because I am nosey by nature
I sometimes think what if?
I find confessions good for the soul, but do not believe it will get me into Heaven
I am super shy when confronted
I am scared about being a labor nurse
I want another baby after seeing the excited faces of newly dubbed parents
I still cry at every delivery I see
I confess...

Daniel Robert

Yesterday was Daniel's 6 month mark...cannot believe it! It has been an exciting, tiring, love filled 6 months Ryan and I have shared with our baby. He is such a little person now! He laughs at himself, entertains himself and cries like you wouldn't believe when it's food time. He is my heart. It seems like yesterday when Ryan and I were heading to the hospital in anticipation for our little man's arrival. One of the best days in my life. I look forward to the next 6 months, but am wanting it to go slower! I can't imagine Daniel at a year!

Trust

Folks, I am T.I.R.E.D. Tired of a 5 day a week jobs (and no, I'm not being a baby; you try working 12 hour days 3 days and week and then have to switch it up), tired of worrying about money, tired of being tired! Where is an easy button when I need one?

Here is my easy button: God.

I try really hard to give my fears to God, but sometimes I'm really stubborn, and can't help but obsess over them. I went Bible searching and came across a really good scripture and it helped me understand His willingness to help:

"There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear, for fear has a torment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." ***1 John 4:18***

All God asks is that we TRUST Him, put Him FIRST, and do the BEST WE CAN. Most of what I worry over I have little control over anyway, so why not trust that He has the answers and can get myself and my little family through it?

There are still going to be times I know where I'll fall back and stress over things that aren't necessarily going in ways that I think they should be going, but I have to remember they are going in ways that God wants them to go, and I must put my trust in Him.