My lease on life

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 1 John 5:6

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

A blogger that I read (http://rameelinlarson.blogspot.com/) recently posted her thoughts on her faith and belief system and it really spoke to me. The past few days I've been able to reflect on my faith and what I believe and both these scriptures are so near and dear to my heart. Honestly, people think and ask what makes me so certain that He is real and worthy and how can I fully place my life into something not physically present and this is what I turn to. This is my rock, He is my rock. Without Him and his word, I am floundering in the darkness, my feet are not planted on the ground and I lose my way. I feel like I am drowning and cannot catch my breath sometimes. It's no secret that I have a ton on my mind and in my life and without his friendship and advice I would be a mental and physical mess. The devil tries and invades my thoughts and tries to make my life hectic and unfulfilled and I just have to push those thoughts away and remember He will not give me more than I can handle and He is always in my corner. He gave me free will and with that I choose to believe He guides my life-my path and that of my family.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see Hebrews 11:1

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In other news, Jake is walking more and more now and it is the absolute cutest thing in the entire world. He is growing so fast. As is his hair which is why I've decided to bite the bullet and get him a haircut and chop those beautiful curls :( He and Daniel are also interacting a lot more and it is so cute to watch; it's like puppies playing. Jake even bites like one. Mr. Daniel continues to amaze us and a few weeks ago recited his entire alphabet to us. We're working on learning to read his name.

Memories

With all the business that Ryan and I have had in June, it has really felt like our family hasn't been whole in awhile. This post is to remind me of our special day today and of our reconnection of a family. Ryan worked from 10p-2a last night and I really thought he was going to sleep in longer than 8:45, but he came downstairs bright eyed. We had our day planned, grocery shopping and cleaning, but then he suggests going to get Jilly's cupcakes and La Pizza (both award winnng food and both we've never tried) and having a picnic with the boys. Needless to say, I jumped at that chance for some family bonding. We loaded up the boys, got our treats and relaxed as a family and it was so needed. In the midst of all the chaos and choring and working, we all got to spend some quality time together and it felt great. My boys are growing fast (too fast sometimes) and I really needed this kind of day.

Scale says I gained 3 lbs back this week. Feels like it too. Just kinda bummed this week. Keeping a low profile.

Updates

Down another 3 lbs. Sadly, back down to the weight I normally am. BUT, I know I can lose weight so that is encouraging. Now I just have to figure in more exercise.

This past week my brother and his family have been in town. It's been so nice to see them all-even if I did have to work 3 days this week. I haven't seen my niece in a year and a half but she warmed up so quickly to me. I love her to pieces. She is such a loving, independent, rambunctious child! She is also very delicate and soft which is quite a change from my broad and thick men. It's also been so enjoyable seeing Daniel and Jake interact with her. Normally, Daniel is my quiet observer and more jealous of the 2 boys but he's loving having a playmate and has no qualms about me playing with Sophia. Jake, on the other hand, has been exhibiting a bit of a jealous streak and is constantly wanting to be held. It could possibly be due to teething though. His poor gums are swollen. Oh well, any excuse to cuddle with my guy is a good one. On the same token, I haven't seen my brother in over a year as well and it came to be quite a shock when I did see him for the first time. Sadly, sometimes I forget I have a brother-briefly!-only because he isn't here day to day. I've forgotten how much he looks like my dad. It's comforting to feel like the family is complete.

I've also been thinking about my own parenting style. In no way is any other parenting style wrong from mine or better, I've just had time to evaluate differences. I've been reading other blogs and articles categorizing parenting and not matter how confident you are in your skills sometimes your beliefs can get shaken up a bit and you can either justify what you're doing and know it's what is right for your family, or you can reevaluate what you're doing and possibly even change course.

I know that there isn't one specific article that can explain how I rear my children, but rather it's from a collection. From day 1 (or, the day beginning when I found out I was having boys) I have known I wanted men like Ryan. Strong, bold, moral and tall. (The last is a joke-sortof.) I also knew I wanted my boys to grow up being respectful to woman and compassionate in love and life. I also knew I would need to parent to their personalities as well. So, I parent with a firm hand and big heart. Ryan parents with a firmer hand which probably balances me out when I give in :) I am teaching my boys to clean up after themselves, that grooming makes for a clean body and soul, to respect our bodies and our family and to honor God and mommy and daddy. I am not shy with affection for the boys because I want them to know they are in a safe place. Plus, they're just so darn adorable. Granted, there are plenty of times when I feel like a broken record after having repeated myself a million times, but it's so worth it when Daniel begins cleaning up without being told (Jake's only 13 months so not a whole lot of that going on ;), they lovingly give a baby doll care or interact in our prayers.

As far as parenting their personalities, Daniel is my shy observer and is so intense. He is independent and very sensitive. I have to remember to let him test himself but calmly step in when he's being destructive. He gets very nervous when he is being reprimanded so I find mymself speaking quietly and getting down to his level. He is a moody man too and most often times wakes up from his naps whining and out of sorts. I know that he is a boy who needs alone time to regroup. Ryan and I had a lot of trial and error before figuring that. Now, we rarely get such a huge tantrum as before. Jake is my light. He is rarely in a bad mood, except when he's teething or hungry. He is still learning and doesn't understand much outside of himself, but from day one he has been the easy natured and laid back baby. They are both a nice complement for each other. Jake seems mischevious and I know sooner or later, my hands are going to be full. Something tells me he'll see a lot of the time out corner.

My parenting isn't rocket science and it has no tricks bells or whistles, but it bonds well with our household and my boys and that is all that matters in the long run. I am grooming my men to be leaders and while the task seems taunting at times, I feel in my heart they will be the type of men Ryan and I would be proud of.

Weight update

As of last week (I haven't weighed myself today as of yet) I have lost 3 lbs. I admit I've been a little more lax this week (maybe why I have not weighed myself) but I am joyful that it is possible for me to drop my gut :)

While listening to the radio the other day, a question was posed as to what we mean when we say we "can't" do something. In reality when we say we "can't" do something it really means we "won't". As in, we "won't" atleast attempt to see if we can. Or, we save it for another day or don't have the patience to wait for the result, so why do it? I find myself stuck a lot in the "won't" rut. Given the right resources and time (all of which I know I can find) I can do a lot of what I say I can't. It's all about mentality and support.

Given the fact that I am trying to lose weight, that conversation stuck with me. I have one bad week and then think I "can't" lose weight, but I really "won't" attempt. It's a war between myself and food, and I really want to win! So, this is my new mantra; something that will keep me motivated. I no longer "won't" do something about my weight, because I know I "can".

Finally I am doing it

I wouldn't say I am necessarily disgusted by what I see in the mirror, but when my clothes and wedding bands are starting to get a little tight-especially my scrubs for work!-it's time I do something about it. And, to hold myself more accountable, I am putting my weight loss goals on my blog. I rejoined sparkpeople.com to track my calories and work out. My goal as of now is to lose 15 lbs by mid July (which totals to about 2 lbs/week).

To jump start, R and I have decided to make June a no eat out month; not only for our budget, but for our bodies as well. Honestly, I am a little excited to see if we can do it. I also am making my trips to Target a few less but that is another post entirely. I also realized way back when almost 7 years ago!) in addition to playing tennis 5-6 days/week in highschool I walked 2 miles. The joys of living less than a mile from the school. Realistically, I know I will not be playing tennis, but I can initiate my work out by walking 2 miles/day. Once in the am and then in the pm. I realize working nights might make this a little more difficult, but something I can tweak later. Maybe I will just have to work doubly as hard at work ;)

So, there is it in plain type. I've started my goal to lose and I really hope I stick with it!


****Had to add this somwhere cuz it was too darn cute. Daniel wanted to go on the "alligator" yesterday and we couldn't figure out what he wanted. Then we walked past the elevator and he said it again. He calls the elevator the alligator. So cute!****

A day in the life...

7:30 I awaken to the sounds of Daniel and Jake in their cribs. Daniel is typically screaming to get out and Jake is talking to himself

8:00-9:00 We are dressed and feed. Handy Manny and Imagination Movers are playing in the background. This gives me a chance to open my eyes, check email and eat as well.

9:00-10:00 Attempting to entertain 2 rambunctious boys. We play, we read, we color, we cry for snacks, we beg to go outside and to the park. Jake goes down for a mini nap around 10:00. Continue to ask for food and park from Daniel. I attempt to straighten up the house and throw in a load of laundry.

11:00-11:45 Jake is up and to the park we go. We swing (a lot) and slide. Daniel attempts to run into the street and usually by that time, park time is over.

12:00-12:30 Lunch. Nap time is almost here!

12:45-1:30 or 2:00 Sanctuary! Attempt to clean myself up, the house or just spend some time in quiet. If it is a work day, I nap as well.

2:00-4:30 See 9:00-10:00 I wonder how much longer I can entertain children. Still attempting to clean up the house

5:00-6:00 The bewitching hour. Kids are hungry and starting to get tired. Trying to make dinner. One of these days I'll figure out how to make a bunch of meals beforehand :)

6:30-7:00 Bath time! Kiddos splash around-incidentally, I get a bath too :). Naked run around time then pjs on for a little chill time.

7:30-8:00 Jake in bed. Book read. Daniel in bed. Book read and books in bed with him. A busy day, but worth every minute.

There are of course variations depending on the day of the week, but overall that is my day. It seems longer putting it in writing. I'll miss it all when they start going back to school.

In other news, I tried Jake in the back carrier design of my Ergo and it was a success! Typically we do side carry. I did feel a little like a momma with a monkey on my back but his weight was evenly spread out and my hands were free! Best purchase I ever made! Oh, and the 3 dollar washer/dryer Fisher Price toy I found at a yard sale Saturday. Daniel loves doing his "chaundry".
We all tried out a "new" restaurant yesterday. It was from Diners, Drive ins and Dives. Apparently, there are other locations but we tried the most authentic...right in the city. Sweetie Pies is some southern home cooking. Good, awkward, but good.