WOOT!

Done with St. Mary's! Woot!!
Can not wait to start labor and delivery!

Oh the things that make me laugh :)

This morning through sleep filled eyes (much like every other morning) I wake up when Daniel decides he's done sleeping for the night. This cry was a little different and when I went into his room he had managed to roll over onto his belly and didn't know how to get back over! He looked so sad! I couldn't help but laugh though; especially since he does in fact know how to roll from tummy to back. I guess he was still a little sleepy too. That kid makes my days so much better, I tell ya.

Speaking more of my kiddo; I have finally decided the next tattoo (and the last I promise!) that I am going to get. It's going on my foot and I will probably get it by the end of the month-before I start at St. John's Woo! I'm excited. It's gonna hurt, but I am still excited.

Speaking of St. John's, Val (an old coworker of mine) decided to come back to St. Mary's PRN, and she and I were talking about working on L&D. A lot of what she was saying I had an idea of, but I am glad she mentioned day RN's are more clique like and leery of new RN's on the floor. I knew this, but this just cemented in me that I have to make sure and squeeze in the fact I worked as an RN on a Med-Surg type floor for a year. I need street cred, but I also must remember of a passage that I am beginning to call more on:

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose
word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.." Psalm
56:3-4

I am excited and scared at the thought of this new chapter, but cannot wait to begin!

My first Mother's Day has come and gone Unfortunately Ryan did have to work and I woke up to the makings of a cold, so it was spoiled a little, but it was still wonderful to spend the day with my son. I cannot wait to have more Mother's Days with my husband and son. I am so many things to so many people, but on that day, I get to celebrate being a mom to Daniel. I am getting a new camera from Ryan and Daniel and it will arrive soon! I am excited because I have not been able to take as many pictures of Daniel as I would like. Having said that, we did finally get professional portraits done of him and they turned out beautifully! I prayed Daniel would handle them OK, and he was the portrait of perfect (HAHA).

School of Life

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my
burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

There couldn't have been a more perfect sermon this Sunday than the one my pastor gave. Each week I am in awe of how God's word seems to speak so closely to me-and it was no exception this Sunday. Pastor Mark talked on the "school of life" and the required "courses" we take (life, death and judgement) and our "electives" (choosing our way of life, what to do with Jesus and our destination).

We are required to live, to die and have judgement called upon us. What we choose to do with our lives is strictly up to each and every one of us; and I have choosen to live my life for Christ. I have opened my door to receive Him and call on Him and place my burdens in His hand-to rest my soul. I am never ceased to be humbled in all that He does for me every day.

Thank you Lord for gently guiding me in my decisions, for watching over my
family-my entire family-for giving me the chance to live for YOU

Yesterday, I spent time with my mom-always fun-and visited some close friends for adult and baby fun :) I held Abby's brand-spankin new daughter last night, and boy, was that a realization that Daniel is one BIG KID! Madeline felt like a feather in my arms! Such a pretty little girl! Speaking of how large Daniel is; we went to the doctor last Tuesday and he weighed in at a whopping 14lb. 13.5oz. and 25 1/2 in.! Soo much like his Daddy LOL. Of course, it wasn't a real exciting visit after that, he had to get shots and we think he has a cow's milk allergy so he's been placed on a super expensive formula. Enfamil doesn't give coupons for this type, of course. If it helps clear his rash, then it's worth every penny!

This week marks my second to last week for my departure at St. Mary's. Sa-weet! I can't wait to join L&D; I finally get to enjoy my job! I'll miss all of my coworkers, but I will not miss the wounds, the heavy heavy heavy heavy patients, and the stress. Or the driving. I have grown to dislike 70 soo much.

What a week..and it's just Thursday

Whew! I am tired just thinking of everything that has happened this week! For starters, this past Sunday I committed myself to the church that I have been going to. I took that BIG first step and I am so happy that I did. I feel so complete now. And if committing myself to the Lord and feeling an immense calm over me wasn't proof that this decision was quite possibly the best I have made for myself, then the incident this past Monday proves that God is great and watches over my family. Ryan placed Daniel on his boppy on the couch and ran downstairs. I was unaware that this was happening. As I am cleaning up the kitchen I hear a bump and then a wail. My heart leaped out of my chest and I swear I stopped breathing. I raced over to the living room and there was my poor baby sitting on the floor next to his boppy. He slid of the couch, but only by the strong hands of God did he land on his boppy and bottom and not his head. Aside from some big tears, my baby was OK.
Then Tuesday night I had to deal with a notoriously verbally and physically abusive patient. That previous night he was fine, then no sooner do I go into his room Tuesday that he becomes his charming self. First agreeing to be turned, my CP and I begin and in the process he decides he doesn't want to be turned and starts cursing and swinging at my CP and before I have a chance to back away, he grabbed my arm and starts squeezing and scratching. I had on an isolation gown because this guy has some "super bugs", but that still didn't prevent my arm from becoming red. Oh, how angry was I! I filed and incident report (and not the first filed on him since he's been on my floor) and while talking to security I wonder how a hospital can keep admitting a patient with a long known history of being like this. Makes me wonder how much admin care about their employees...I truly did try to empathize with his situation, but I really could only go so far-especially after my night with him Tuesday. Fingers crossed that he was discharged.
On a lighter note, the weather is changing and the trees have leaves and I am so thankful we have signs of spring! I just feel better when the weather is like this. Although I could do without the birds chirping at 5 in the morning ;)

Oh the happenings in my life

This past Saturday I FINALLY ventured out sans Daniel and the hubby and spent some good ol' quality time with friends. The end result, lots of laughs, driving, alien secretions and a big pink tie. Good times.

This past Friday a beautiful baby girl entered the world. My best friend's sister was blessed with another child-one that is even more of a miracle than you'll ever know. Went to see her before she delivered at St. John's. It was awesome to be there and even more awesome to know that in a few short months I am there as a nurse! And in the nick of time because St. Mary's is poop.

Daniel is doing wonderfully. Everyday I am blessed to be able to watch him grow and interact with him and Ryan. He's a little chunky monkey! I weighed him on our home scale the other day-13.8 lbs! We go at the end of this month for his 4 month check up. We start talking solid food then!!!

I went to church again this past Sunday. Always a wonderful time. Each Sunday I get a little closer to going up to the stage and presenting myself as wanting to be a part of the congregation, but I still get nervous. I wish Ryan were a little more interested, but I guess that will come in time with some more praying and persuasion. I still have lots and lots and lots to learn, but I feel myself beginning to have a better relationship with Him. And that is good :)

Just believe

Great news-I got the Labor and Delivery RN position at St. John's. It could not have come at a better time. I was seriously starting to doubt that I would ever be happy at my profession, and overall I was getting a little depressed. But, my prayers were answered and my patience rewarded, and I start June 2! How lucky am I that I get to witness miracles every time I work?
My life is full of happiness and more meaning every day. I have so many things to be thankful for. My brother is home and safe and able to finally begin a relationship with his daughter, my parents and I are closer than ever, my husband and I are closer than ever, I have beautiful friends and my son is happy and healthy. I am so blessed. But most importantly, I am steadily learning more about my personal and spiritual journey. I am so grateful to have found a church were I am comfortable and can learn about God and his purpose for me in an inviting atmosphere. Easter means so much more to me this year. When you really stop and think about all that we have, it all comes down to Jesus dying on the cross for us; He sacrificed so that we could live and speak His word. It makes me so sad and so joyful at the same time. I look forward to growing as a Christian and becoming more comfortable speaking about it.

Frustration

I've realized today that I have serious problem forgiving and forgetting. The more I read and reflect on how God wants us to live our lives and become characteristically better, the more I see how I need to fine tune my life. The problem is, is it so hard for me to forgive and forget-and sometimes I'm not sure if I even want to. When the people you love have been wronged and walked on so many times, it really makes me rethink how much I want those particular people in Daniel's life. They are not characteristically the types of people I want Daniel to associate with. Some have tried to reach out and make contact, but I balk at the chance for them so see Daniel. Am I being too stubborn or do I legitimately have good reason? I have wrestled with this issue since the day he was born, and I want to do that best thing and the Christian thing, but I don't want to put my baby in a place where I'm not even comfortable being.
On a side note, Daniel has been so so fussy today and doesn't want to sleep and I am so worn out! I wish I knew how to make him more comfortable-other than toting him around for the rest of the night. It's all I can do to get a little comfort and quiet out of him.